University Study
A study conducted by UCLA's (University of California-LA) Department of Psychiatry has revealed that the kind of face a woman finds attractive on a man can differ depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle.
For example: If she is ovulating, she is attracted to men with rugged and
masculine features.
However, if she is menstruating or menopausal, she tends to be more
attracted to a man with duct tape over his mouth and a spear lodged in his forehead while he is on fire.
No further studies are expected.
A few things to make you smile.. :)
1.) My husband and I divorced over religious differences..... He thought he was God and I didn't.
2.) I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
3.) I work hard because millions on welfare depend on Me!
4.) Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
5.) I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
6.) Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.
7.) You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
8.) Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
9.) Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.
10.) I'm not a complete idiot --Some parts are missing.
11.) Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
12.) God must love stupid people; He made so many.
13.) Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
14.) Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
15.) Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!
16.) Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.
17.) A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
18.) A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance
19.) Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!
20.) They call it PMS because Mad Cow Disease was already taken.
21.) He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.
22.) A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.
23.) Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a life time commitment for a pig.
24.) The trouble with life is there's no background music.
25.) I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.
Från the office, engelska igen sorry
If you can keep your head when all around you have lost theirs, then you probably haven't understood the seriousness of the situation.
Accept that some days you are the pigeon, and some days you are the statue
If your boss is getting you down, look at him through the prongs of a fork and imagine him in jail.
Never do today that which will become someone elses responsibility tomorrow.
You don't have to be mad to work here, in fact we ask you to complete a medical questionnaire to ensure that you are not.
If you treat the people around you with love and respect, they will never guess that you're trying to get them sacked.
If at first you don't succeed, remove all evidence you ever tried.
You have to be 100% behind someone, before you can stab them in the back.
If work was so good, the rich would have kept more of it for themselves.
Those of you who think you know everything are annoying to those of us who do.
There's no 'I' in 'team'. But then there's no 'I' in 'useless smug colleague', either. And there's four in 'platitude-quoting idiot'. Go figure.
There may be no 'I' in team, but there's a 'ME' if you look hard enough.
Too much ambition results in promotion to a job you can't do.
Make good use of your cylindrical filing unit, the one you mainly keep under your desk.
Remember that age and treachery will always triumph over youth and ability.
Quitters never win, winners never quit. But those who never win and never quit are idiots.
If you're gonna be late, then be late and not just 2 minutes - make it an hour and enjoy your breakfast.
Remember the 3 golden rules: 1. It was like that when I got here. 2. I didn't do it. 3. (To your Boss) I like your style.
Statistics are like a lamp-post to a drunken man - more for leaning on than illumination.
A problem shared is a problem halved, so is your problem really yours or just half of someone elses?
Is your work done? Are all pigs fed, watered and ready to fly?
You don't have to be mad to work here, but you do have to be on time, well presented, a team player, customer service focused and sober.
I thought I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, but it was just some bastard with a torch, bringing me more work.
Avoid employing unlucky people - throw half of the pile of CVs in the bin without reading them.
Graviditetskoj, på engelska (sorry..)
Answer: If you're lucky, it'll be just after he finishes college.
Question: Is it ok to have children after 35?
Answer: No! 35 children is plenty.
Answer: Because you're fatter than they are.
Question: I learnt in the pre-natal classes that it's not pain that I'll feel during labor, but pressure. Is this correct?
Answer: Yes, in the same way that you might describe a tornado as an air current.
Question: I want to know the sex of my baby. What is the most reliable way of finding out?
Answer: Childbirth.
Answer: Nothing (if the pregnant woman's husband knows what's good for him).
Question: How long is the average time for labor?
Answer: Whatever the mother says, divided by two.
Answer: Yes -- pregnancy.